How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen

David Brooks, renowned columnist and author of The Road to Character , turns his focus to the art of understanding others in How to Know a Person . This book blends storytelling, psychology, and philosophy to explore how we can transcend surface-level interactions and truly connect with those around us. Brooks argues that empathy isn’t just a feeling but a skill—one that requires curiosity, humility, and the courage to engage with people’s complexities.

Drawing from history, literature, and real-life examples, Brooks examines what happens when we actively listen, ask meaningful questions, and embrace vulnerability. He challenges readers to move beyond their assumptions and biases, offering practical tools for fostering deeper relationships in both personal and professional settings. The book also delves into the societal implications of disconnection, making a case for why “knowing others” is essential in an increasingly fragmented world.

Brooks’ writing is warm and accessible, balancing intellectual depth with relatable anecdotes. He shares stories of unlikely friendships, transformative conversations, and the quiet power of paying attention. Each chapter builds on the idea that seeing others deeply isn’t just about them—it’s about becoming more fully human ourselves.

The book also addresses modern challenges, like the role of technology in eroding genuine connection and the fear of discomfort that keeps people at arm’s length. Brooks doesn’t shy away from tough questions, such as how to engage with those who hold opposing views, but he approaches these topics with optimism and grace.

Ultimately, How to Know a Person is a call to action—a reminder that the quality of our lives depends on the depth of our relationships. Whether you’re navigating family dynamics, workplace interactions, or societal divides, this book offers a roadmap for bridging gaps and finding common ground.